Why Michael Sam Does Matter

As everyone and their grandmother is aware by now, an NFL Draft prospect - Michael Sam, formerly of Mizzou - has come out as gay and could become the first athlete in a major American league to be openly gay. While the majority of the response has been positive and supportive, there has been some negativity because…some people just can not help themselves with the usual arguments which are sometimes masked as concerns.

There were responses regarding the locker room culture and, more specifically, the showering dynamic. Jonathan Vilma of the New Orleans Saints went on record in an interview saying that he was afraid of being looked at if a teammate was gay. Here are the facts. 1) Somewhere in a football player’s career, whether grade school, college, or professionally, they were on a team with at least one gay man (open or not)…and they showered with him. Everyone survived the experience. 2) Straight guys look, even though they probably won’t admit it. 3) These guys worrying about being looked at are assuming that this guy finds them attractive, which is really arrogant. Seriously, the people who are afraid of being looked at need to grow up and calm down. It is human nature to observe one’s surroundings and there is no inherently sinister motive behind that.

There were the responses that Michael’s revelation has caused his draft stock to drop, including former Kansas City Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards. In fact, within hours of the story breaking, many people went from saying he’d go in round three or four to round five, six, or lower. The reason they gave was that franchises believe this would be a substantial media distraction. First of all, Michael came out three and a half months before the draft. Second, it will be even longer than that before the next season even starts. The league, the team, the media, and the public have plenty of time to absorb this story before the beginning of the regular season. Cyd Ziegler of Outsports had the best response to the particular fear of a team being distracted. Any organization that can’t handle whatever media coverage they may get and would crumble merely by having an openly gay teammate is already a weak team, and their season is already doomed.

There were the responses which were just plain hateful. A wrestler from Kent State tweeted about being annoyed over ESPN devoting so much airtime to “that fag.” After others on Twitter called the wrestler on his homophobia, he hurled more anti-gay slurs at them too. I don’t think I need to say much about that…Kent State however said plenty by suspending him indefinitely. All I will say is that people like this wrestler are saying more about themselves than they are saying about anyone else, and they are doing so in a very bad way.

And lastly, there were the people asking why this matters, or what is the big deal, or why it is important for this man to announce his sexual orientation. To some people it isn’t a big deal, and that’s perfectly fine, even admirable, that they get that Michael being gay has no bearing on his ability to produce results on the field. These people need to understand that just because it us unimportant to them personally doesn’t mean this event has no importance. They need to look at the big picture. It is important because this is a barrier that has never before been crossed here in the States. It is important because there are people out there who believe that gay men have no place in sports like football and this is an incredible opportunity to change hearts and minds. It is important because somewhere out there is a kid who believes that them being gay means they’ll never be able to reach their Super Bowl dreams because the “weakness of gay men” has been drilled into their mind.

And that is what this is really all about. What we are seeing Michael Sam deal with now is primarily happening because he is the first. By Michael blazing the trail today, he makes it that much easier for those who come after, and we will be that much closer to a day when a professional athlete coming out is not a news-making event.

Gay Body Image & Eating Disorders

The "Older Brother Effect" on Homosexuality

The Science, & Myths, of Homosexuality

Explaining Homosexuality To Children

The Divide Between Catholics & Catholicism

The Other Side of Coming Out

It pretty much goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: being in the closet sucks, and it sucks for a number of reasons. The closet forces you to lie and deceive. The closet forces you to mind every word you say, every move you make, and every habit and hobby you have. The closet forces you to keep your friends and family at arms’ length for fear of them finding you out. The closet forces you to do many things you would not otherwise do, while simultaneously keeping you from doing many of the things you wish to do. The closet is a prison, and living there is no way to live.

Being out is wholly different. Being out means you can be honest about yourself. Being out means not having a secret to weigh you down every day of your life. Being out means you can express yourself without scrutinizing every word and very action. Being out means being closer to your loved ones because you have nothing to hide. Being out means living your life as YOU see fit. Being out means being yourself because being out means being free, which is the best way to live.

Of course this is not to say coming out will be all sunshine and rainbows (well…maybe a few rainbows…and a unicorn or two). While most of the coming out stories I have come across are generally positive, there may be someone in your life that is less than accepting. Many people see this potential rejection as a roadblock to coming out and this is perfectly understandable. It is easier said than done but instead of looking at it as a roadblock, look at it as the opportunity that it - more often than not - is (the exception being that you have legitimate reason to think your parents, on whom you depend financially, might kick you out). Not just an opportunity to live your live just like your heterosexual counterparts but also an opportunity to change hearts and minds around you, and possibly dispel some of the misconceptions about the LGBT community. 

Case-in-point: Senator Robert Portman of Ohio - a staunch social conservative - became the first sitting Republican senator to publicly support marriage equality, followed shortly by a handful of his fellow Republican senators. What was the catalyst for this change of heart? Two years prior, his son Will came out to the senator and his family. You probably don’t have high profile politicians or other such leaders in your circle, but you have that same power. Many people have said that their thoughts on homosexuality, the LGBT community, and equal rights were anywhere from influenced to diametrically changed as a result of knowing someone who is out of the closet. Once the relatively amorphous concept of homosexuality (at least to some) has a name and a face, preconceived notions can be dispelled and a person’s perception can and often does change. You can be that face.

Even in the coming out stories that involve negative reactions, the person who came out virtually never regrets having done so. Once the dust has settled, coming out is often described as the best decision the person has made in their life, even when a family member or a friend was lost in the process (in the case of the lost friend, your real friends are the ones that stick with you). Though it may have initially been awkward or even been worse in the beginning, it got better overall. Though everyone should come out in their own time - be that in grade school, university, or whenever else - moving towards coming out is moving in the right direction. Once you have put the darkness of the closet behind you, the light of day will be that much better and that much brighter.

Besides, you don’t want to end up like Larry Craig…do you?

Corporatizing Gay Pride Parades

Who is Happier, Rural or Urban Gays?

From Edge New England: 

The results found living in large metro areas seems to negatively impact the health and well-being of gays and lesbians.

"For gay people, large cities tend to provide more social-networking opportunities, more social and institutional supports and more tolerant social climates," the study concludes. "Yet, they also typically have more noise, pollution, traffic, crime and ethnic conflict - stressors that tend to erode wellbeing. Other drawbacks of urban life may include high taxes, inferior public schools, substandard housing and a relatively high cost of living."

Researchers reached the conclusion that the quality of life experienced by rural or small-town gays often outweighs the challenges and threats associated with living in a large metropolitan area.

These findings contradict a research study conducted last year that concluded that conservative climates in rural and small town settings tend to negatively impact the health and well being of LGBTs.

#ProudToLove

Robbie Rogers Plays His First Game Out & Open

A Sports Legend Who Supported Gay Players

From NBC Sports: 

...Multiple players who played for Vince Lombardi, the legendary former Packers and Redskins coach, say that he knew some of his players were gay, and that not only did he not have a problem with it, but he went out of his way to make sure no one else on his team would make it a problem. 

In 1969, Lombardi’s Redskins included a running back named Ray McDonald, who in 1968 had been arrested for having sex with another man in public. In the Lombardi biography When Pride Still Mattered, author David Maraniss writes that Lombardi told his assistants he wanted them to work with McDonald to help him make the team, “And if I hear one of you people make reference to his manhood, you’ll be out of here before your ass hits the ground.” 

Lombardi’s daughter Susan told Ian O’Connor of ESPNNewYork.com that her father would have been thrilled to have a player like Jason Collins, the NBA center who publicly revealed this week that he is gay. 

“My father was way ahead of his time,” Susan Lombardi said. “He was discriminated against as a dark-skinned Italian American when he was younger, when he felt he was passed up for coaching jobs that he deserved. He felt the pain of discrimination, and so he raised his family to accept everybody, no matter what color they were or whatever their sexual orientation was. I think it’s great what Jason Collins did, because it’s going to open a lot of doors for people. Without a doubt my father would’ve embraced him, and would’ve been very proud of him for coming out...”

 Lombardi's brother being gay may also have influenced how he treated gay players. He was a man ahead of his time. Lombardi is best known as being the head coach for the Green Bay Packers, which just so happens to be my favourite NFL team. I did not realize that Lombardi was supportive of gay people until long after a became a fan, but this just gives me more reason to love Lombardi and this team. There is a reason the the greatest prize in professional football is the "Lombardi Trophy."

An NBA Player Is Openly Gay. Now What?

Jason Collins

Anyone with a grain of sense already knew that gay people were in the major leagues here in the States. Statistically, it was a no-brainer. What we did not know was the who. This week, one of them stepped forward: a man from the National Basketball Association called Jason Collins. In an interview that will appear in the May 6th edition of Sports Illustrated Collins talks about his experience, and Collins’ twin brother Jarron (also in the NBA) was also interviewed. You can read those interviews online HERE and HERE, so I will spare you the details.

From what I have seen in the hours since the news broke, the responses have been overwhelmingly positive, from Magic Johnson to President Obama and many others. I have only seen two pointedly negative reactions thus far. One was from ESPN commentator Chris Broussard who lambasted Collins saying he is a sinner (as if the world is not filled with billions of them) and said Collins is no Christian. The other was from Liberty Council’s Matthew Barber who decided to talk about sodomy and how Collins should not be celebrate or praised. Then again he is a leader of a hate group so no surprises there. Sidenote: it is ironic (read: hypocritical) how the most ardent religious folk are the most hateful in their rhetoric and act as though Christ would say the things that they say. Now back to our topic…

Gay men in sports has been a topic that was talked about for a very long time and even more so in the past several months. In March, Robbie Rogers (who is only 25 years old) came out but retired in the same announcement. Given his age and health, he could and might come back. In the last few weeks, Alan Gendreau - a kicker formerly from Middle Tennessee University - made news as he decided he was making an attempt at the National Football League this season or the next. Gendreau this season is a long shot just because of the timing and how getting on a team works for kickers, though this season is not impossible. Nike recently said they would sponsor the first man to come out in one of the major leagues. Two things that once seemed diametrically opposed - gay men and sports - have now become inextricably linked in the media. 

Jason (right) & brother Jarron

Having said all of that, what was my reaction? To be honest, it was relief. It is a milestone that has been hyped to the nth degree and people like myself who pay a lot of attention to the topic of gay men in sports have been hearing many of the same talking points ad nauseum. This is another barrier that has been broken and history has been made…hopefully. I am not much of a basketball person but I have friends who are. One of them told me that at age 34 and currently being a free agent, the chances of Collins getting on a team now are not that great, sexuality notwithstanding. This is reminiscent of a soccer player called David Testo. Shortly after he was released by the Montreal Impact, he also released himself from the closet. That was in 2011. While he had hoped to make it back into a football club, he has not played since then (at the “old” age of 30). Since I do not watch - or particularly understand - basketball, I have no idea how good or bad he is. He has lasted about 12 years in the league, so I am guessing he is not terrible. 

Time will tell whether or not he gets signed with another team. Lots of people support him including basketball‘s biggest name, Kobe Bryant. Even Presidents Clinton and Obama and the current First Lady have voiced their support. Time will also tell how this all plays out. There are always the naysayers that predict disaster. Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association (do not be fooled by the title, this is yet another anti-gay hate group) is on record as saying that a team that has an openly gay player would implode because of the denigration of team cohesion. He and others said the same about the United States military when Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed in 2010, but I am pretty sure the military is as intact as it was before. My hunch is that most of his teammates will not care. Even the ones that may not like having a gay teammate will be brought in line by Collins merely being himself and a productive player on the court. Basketball is not just a sport after all, it is a business. These guys want to win. They get paid to win. If an openly gay teammate can help them do those things, there is little else that will matter. Collins now has the opportunity to do this and prove the naysayers wrong.

*In case you are wondering why I am focusing on gay men in sports and not mentioning lesbians in sports, I can assure you it is not a sexist thing. It is that when it comes to stereotypes, there is quite a gulf between gay men and lesbians. It is assumed that lesbians are butch/manly and thus, them being in sports is no surprise to anyone. Conversely, the stereotype of gay men is one of weakness and girliness. These difference stereotypes are part of why we have had lesbians out in team sports for many years now but we have only had an openly gay man in these sports for, literally, a few hours.

Welcoming God's Children

Two Gay Dads, Two Kids, A Normal Family

Who Are 'GayBros?'

Republicans, Empathy, and Equality

A New Reason To Fear Homosexuals

From Huffington Post:

...Still, rather than use our dark, perverted magic to do something useful, like, say, secure equal employment protections or prevent hate crimes, we wily queers have instead spent our time scheming to find ways to destroy the holy sacrament of marriage (wait, aren't straight people doing a competent job on their own?) and cause meteorological mischief like Hurricane Katrina and superstorm Sandy.

Now, as if we weren't busy enough dooming entire nations and civilizations, a new, even more terrifying threat to mankind is apparently brewing, and in recent weeks a hot-pink alert has been sounded: Gay men want to play sports, and, even worse, we expect to use the same locker rooms as straight men.

That's right: Not only do we want to be able to get married, adopt children and be free from discrimination; we now have the audacity to believe that we should be able to play on professional sports teams without cowering in the closet! And after we've practiced or played a game, we want to be able to take a hot shower...

LGBT Demographics

From the Washington Post:

About one in five gay and lesbian couples is raising children under age 18. One in 10 men with a male partner or spouse is a military veteran. As many as 6 million Americans, roughly 2 percent of the population, have a parent who is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT).

These nuggets of demographic insight into same-sex couples were contained in an amicus brief filed in connection with cases before the Supreme Court on the constitutionality of California’s gay marriage ban and the Defense of Marriage Act. 

A decade ago, such precise statistics were impossible to come by. Even now, many of the numbers commonly used to shape government policies are, for gays and lesbians, nonexistent. 

But as gays become more visible in politics, demographic research into lesbians and gays is emerging from the shadows. Some gay advocates say it’s time for surveys to ask people their sexual orientation point-blank...

NFL's Scott Fujita: Openly Gay Player Not An Issue

From On Top Magazine:

During a radio interview on Cleveland's WKRK-FM – 92.3, Fujita said an openly gay teammate would be just another player.

When asked, “Do you think a gay player in the Browns locker room would be an issue?” Fujita answered: “It would not be an issue at all.”

He went on to state that the novelty would wear off soon after the first player came out.

“Once a guy comes out, yeah, it'll be very newsworthy,” he said. “It'll be a huge, huge breakthrough and then it'll be another one and another one and another one. Then it'll be just another guy in the locker room. So the sooner we get to that point, we can get past all the difficult things the PR staffs feel they might have and should be ashamed they even feel that way, but once we get over that first hurdle then everything should be just fine.”