An All Too Common Question

Those of us who have been out for quite a bit know that there are some very common questions that we get asked. I personally do not get asked most of them (at least not regularly), but there is THAT ONE QUESTION that I have been asked on multiple occasions, primarily by straight men:

"If you've never been with a woman, how do you know you're gay?"

*face-palm*

This generally gets asked when me having my "Gold Star" comes up in a conversation. Every time I hear this question, my internal reaction is "Really? This question again? Ugh..." It is not that I think less of the person asking, nor do I believe them to be homophobic. Getting the same question repeatedly is just trying on my patience. This annoyance usually does not get betrayed by my external reaction. On the occasions that I get this question - again, it is primarily from straight men - my response is always the same:

"If you've never been with a man before, how do you know you're straight?"

From what I have heard from other gay men, this is the standard response to that all-too-common question. I believe this is because people do not even think to put themselves in someone else's shoes in such scenarios. By asking this reciprocal question, we prompt them to do just that. In so doing, this is the number one response I get to MY question:

*crickets*

And then, hopefully, the moment of understanding comes when we are both on the same page as to how this whole thing works and they say some variation of:

"Okay, I get it."

That understanding is that sexual orientation is not about hooking up with both and seeing which one you prefer. Sexual orientation is about to whom one is attracted. This is a test that does not necessarily require actual sex to figure out. They are not attracted to people of the same gender, which is how they know they are straight. Likewise I am not attracted to women, I am attracted to men. THAT is how I know I am gay.